There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
