Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize