ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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