worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize