that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
