I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
