Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize