You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
