You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
