Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
