Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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