Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
