i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize