It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
