it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
