He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
