Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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