he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
