i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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