Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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