we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
