I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
