i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
