After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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