You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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