I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
