moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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