i think my tv is drunk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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