Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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