i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
