The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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