I want to have your abortion
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my liver is dry heaving
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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