She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
