Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
