First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
