Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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