Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I understand Curling. That high.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
