Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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