I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
