the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
