He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
