1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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