Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
