Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
