Reggie can tackle my bush.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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