I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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