I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
