every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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