I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
