Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
