Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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