Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
