vagina is talking i cant
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
