i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
