So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
