Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
