I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
