Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
