I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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