GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
