His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
