It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
