before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
