i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
