bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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