he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
