I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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