im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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