if i can run in heels then i can drive
her vagine was all disorganized.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
