I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
