Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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