We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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