I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
