i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
