Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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