I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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