God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
