Pants 0. Shit 1.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
