Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
