I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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