I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
