hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
farters have to be the big spoon...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
