Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i love accidental penises.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
