I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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