p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
