You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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